He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
