I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
