But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
