You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
