Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Text me some of your sweat
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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