JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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