so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
