is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
