NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
