I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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