Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
