I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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