Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
should my penis look like a turkey
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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