So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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