My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
