You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
