i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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