please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
