How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
