just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
