Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
