i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My liver just broke up with me...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
