She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
