Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
