I faked an abortion last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
