haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Someone shit on the floor
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
