How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
