Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
