wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
