we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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