My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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