just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
