The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
