They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
