The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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