i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
MIDGETS
????
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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