Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
