even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
