I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
