I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
