I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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