we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
