I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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