so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's shark week go big or go home
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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