My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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