Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
