peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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