he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
