he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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