I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
