Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My dick has a subreddit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
