I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
