My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
