Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
