Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
