I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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