ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
