hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
