Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
